Jesus on the Cross: Everything for Everything
“And he went out, bearing his own cross, to the place called The Place of a Skull, which in Aramaic is called Golgotha” (John 19:17).
* * *
I know there is a tug of war inside you, a wrestling between your flesh and your heart. It is okay. You are okay. I am here. I am not leaving you.
Yes, I gave you everything. I give you everything. But love is not guilt. And love is not repayment of debt.
Hear Me.
This love is not a transaction where one plus one equals two–not in the way you think. But one thing is true: your whole heart for my whole heart is the only thing that satisfies, that protects you from this suffering and angst of wanting more than that, more than all of Me.
* * *
Take a deep breath and settle down now. You are dearly loved.
Holy Spirit, we welcome You into this space.
Get comfortable, perhaps with your feet flat on the floor, with empty hands and palms up. Or lay stretched out, as low as you can, on the floor.
Where You are, Lord, is holy. You are in me. Let me be present here, on holy ground.
Take another few deep breaths.
Lord, I give you my heart, wide-open. It is all yours.
Spend a few minutes–your mind and heart surrendered and open to experiencing Holy Spirit’s presence, feeling His love for you, listening for His voice. Stay here for as long as you can….
What do you see (in your imagination)? What words do you hear (in your heart)? What do you feel (in your spirit)? Draw and write in your journal what you are thinking and feeling right now. Be honest. Don’t hold back. Remember that you are intimately known and treasured and loved.
What is Holy Spirit inviting you to engage with Him about? Wait here, allowing the peace of God to quiet you. Will you allow Him access to the deepest places in your heart?
Now turn your attention to the verses below: John 10:17, Mark 8:34, John 19:17, and 1 Peter 2:24. Read each one slowly, but then allow your heart to focus on just one.
“For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life that I may take it up again’” (John 10:17).
“And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me’” (Mark 8:34).
“And he went out, bearing his own cross, to the place called The Place of a Skull, which in Aramaic is called Golgotha” (John 19:17).
“He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed” (1 Peter 2:24).
Notice which verse you feel especially drawn to. Then set a timer and spend at least 10 minutes (longer if you can) contemplating it. Let your heart and mind linger over the verse so that the scene being described is coming to life within you–Jesus’ voice in your heart is filling you completely.
Close your eyes. Stay here. Deeper, deeper. What is He saying? What is He showing you?
Jesus, I see you carrying your cross…
Jesus, what does it mean, practically, for me to pick up and carry mine?
Finally, when you feel ready, imagine Holy Spirit asking you the questions below in regard to what it might mean to pick up and carry your cross. Consider each question carefully, engaging with Holy Spirit as He helps you navigate and discover what your heart wants you to know–and the deeper healing God is inviting you into. Trust that Holy Spirit is with you now.
What do you want?
Why do you want it?
Do you believe I will give this to you? Why or why not?
What do you grasp tightly, fearful to let go and give back?
Will you receive what Jesus gave, or will you reject it because it isn’t enough? Why isn’t He enough?
What is more than–and better than–Him?
What satisfaction do you seek–and where do you expect to find it?
Continue to engage with Holy Spirit, and then conclude this time with worship. Below are some songs to consider.
Amen.
